Its Time To Persevere

Aug 20th, 2008

I have a god friend... god... is that a typo? I have a good friend. She is not closed to the other side like most. A few minutes after I had my disparriaging conversation yesterday, she sent me a message.

"I feel you unhappy now, by intuition, are you ok?"

Her english isn't perfect, but her meaning is clear. She's not in the city, and she's dealing with her own pain, but still she reached out, at a time I was crumbling. She knew I was crumbling, from thousands of miles away. This is a good person. A part of me believes her abilities are those any of us can have, but most of us ignore.

So like most of us, in support of good people, I didn't respond... I didn't have the energy.

'I don't have the energy'... God...That phrase... Its like a plague, this darkness. From one person to another, quick and slow and timeless and ancient. I heard those words last night. They were the words that destroyed me, those syllables dripping with apathy and sloth, more destructive than any man-made weapon could ever be... and I inherited them and used them after cursing my giraffe for uttering them to me...

Anyway, my friend wrote again, "Good night, bob. hope you are ok."

A few hours later, I wrote back, "Thanks, godfriend. Goodnight."

She wished me a good morning today as well. Again I wrote back sluggishly, "

Today, 4:48 pm
"Just had a nightmare. You are crying in my dream. Are you ok, bob? I feel you are unhappy now really." she pegged me again. I have been in denial all day. I think she knows my destiny better than I, or at least as well... I think she feels when I give up and let fate creep into my life. I think I have made a mistake.

I told the giraffe I gave up. I broke down and I blew up. I said a lot of things, true but callous. And it was her strength I was supposed to be. She is in a hard place, harder than I can say here.

"Its time to for me to be proactive, for me to be supportive. If destiny was easy, if everything was clear, then the result would be no true reward.

I am sorry, little giraffe. I am here if you need me. I do not give up. I will support you silently if need be. I still believe. I always will, even if I don't want to. This is real life. It is difficult and it is hard, and everything may not turn out as expected, but it is worth fighting for, and it is worth living for. Don't give up, little giraffe. Make the right choice this week. I can't know what that choice is, but I think you do. The right path starts with the right step. Choose a direction and find your destiny, but don't stop walking.

Love you."

This is the message I sent... now.

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