Trinity

Aug 17th, 2008

I've not been very clear about the direction that my life has taken these days, always talking in riddles, cryptically at all times if possible. There is rhyme to my reason. No, take that, reverse it.

I have found a sort of happiness I haven't know since I was just a kid. I fell into a triangle, deep and tangled and wonderful.

Baby, Myself, Mama

The first time I saw either of them, I saw them both together. Ironically, I remember thinking, "I want them both."

And here I must censor myself. I have written this story fully and deeply, but discretion must be maintained for the purpose of protecting the safety of another less romantic reality. This message is for those involved, and for those who know the story.

Suffice it to say, one of them understands everything and one of them can't possibly because she hasn't been allowed to. For the one who is lost, I just want to say, I am sorry. I would love to tell you everything. I wish I could. Deep in my soul, I do believe disclosure is the inevitable end of everything. But for now, for good reasons or bad, or reasons outside my control, you are in the dark. Just know my feelings for you are deep and inexplicable. Dreams of contentment and a happy and peaceful life for our small and magical world plague me, creating an impossible standard for any other way of living. You are not second or third, you truly are part of a larger something that even I don't understand. Please don't fear it. Don't distrust us. I long to know you better, more deeply. I fear that chance will be squandered through inaction or the practice of being safe and conventional.

To expect anyone on the outside to understand seems hopeless. Such an odd relationship, such a strange state of affairs. However, surprisingly, the support of the masses is there. There has not been one person who's ear I have told the tale to who didn't understand fully. It is as if there is some divine aura surrounding this island of beauty in a world of chaos. In fact, others have come to me, told me that they have dreamt of our future and confessed to knowing its beauty, and they have come to me before I have told them... with precognition and clarity. Of course I protect the identities of the two that complete me, a sad neccesity in this sad and fear-filled place, but I find more and more, I believe more and more, that that neccesity is an illusion, one which will fade.

It is a time of wonder in this, my small life. I have found once again I believe in reason, in purpose, in fate and destiny. All I can do is pray that this manifests into what it should become, that path with heart, the path of truth, and not what the impurity of reality, jealousy, fear, and practicality might twist it into. For this I work hard. For us, I work hard. For we three, I fight a deafening silent fight. I believe with a furious faith.

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