Seeding Salvation
Aug 6th, 2008Carlos Castaneda wrote a series of novels about life and magic and the unseen world and knowledge. Sadly, only one I have read. This one, 'The teachings of Don Juan, A Yaqui Way of Knowledge,' has changed my life profoundly, given me strength, opened my mind, and reaffirmed the rhyme of the world I had always felt ringing in my soul.
With enthusiasm and heart, I shared these lessons and ideas with the people I loved, with those I thought needed it, and those who were open to it. I thought myself a sort of Ancient Mariner.
I lost hope... a few days ago. I lost hope, and the one who was supposed to give it to me, the center of my attentions, the target of my affection, was the most discouraging of all...
I resolved to become everything I despised, everything that was easy, everything that was empty. I would become an unadultered liar and manipulator, a man of money and material, taking and cheating and smiling until I had everything I wanted.
I know it was a childish thought, but it was mine, and I owned it. If I had to continue living in the world of nonsense and hopelessness, and I could not commit physical suicide (and trust me the thought had occurred to me, I'll elaborate in another log), then I would kill my soul.
Upon these epiphanies, my lover tortured me, give and taking hope, yo-yoing me. She is in a difficult place. Part of me blames her for her weakness, part of me can't. Regardless, the effect was large and small, leaving me more hopeful and more hopeless.
I logged onto MSN. I often choose to live virtually when I don't want to live in reality. I saw May, my ex-girlfriend and still good friend, one of the few who I can still rely on to help me in a bind, was online.
I read her tagline, and it was this: "As Don Juan taught, the path with heart should be followed."
The line by itself seems a bit cheesy, but the philosophy and the depth of knowledge, worldly and spiritual, behind this phrase make it an obvious and powerful choice when making your way through life.
Call it Karma. Call it social progress. Call it luck or fate or whatever you like. I am not without pain. I am not without fear, but now I do have purpose and some amount of faith growing in my blue soul. Those words that I had given to May so long ago came back to me, and gave me strength.
I believe in the path with heart.
Thank you May.
