I need the woman I love, not admirers
July 19th, 2008I found a lump in my mouth this morning.
It scared me. Made me feel mortal. My dog died a few years ago of something that looked very much the same. I panicked. I wanted to live. I called Maymay, she's the only one in town I trust to take care of me. Asked her if she was free to take me to the hospital today. Before she answered, I remembered she was busy, asked her to take me on Monday.
I been waiting two weeks, dreaming of the woman I loved. Writing messages, letters, poems, collecting music, fantasizing of the romantic return. Someone said she'd be back on Monday.
I got a message this evening. It was her. She said she wanted to end it. She said she didn't even want to see me again, that I should forget her. She told me I had alot of admirers. She said I won't be lonely.
I found a lump in my mouth this morning. I can't see it through the tears. I feel too immortal. I'm so tired.
Someone said the will to live is important in fighting disease... I'm so tired of fighting... What if life is the disease...
mama...
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