Life Path Change
March 10th , 2008I’m not spoiled or rich. I had no silver spoon. My parents moved out of state when I was 18. I worked in a burger joint for a few years and threw newspapers at night in my late teens and early twenties. I tried to stay above water and keep my ideals in focus. I attended classes in local community colleges, changing majors as often as underwear; psychology to philosophy, liberal arts, art history, political science, film… I later even spent quite a bit of energy in marketing and business classes, as it seemed a necessary evil.
Previously, I had found my hand forced in choices of life and career paths, sometimes influenced by circumstance, partly by societal pressures, but in the end, only made possible with the help of good old fashioned self-delusion and denial. In the end I realized I had spent more time trying to make money than find contentment when making choices. Though the latter focus was never completely lost in my attention, its priority became superficial and far too many justifications and compromises were allowed to be made to properly suit its needs.
I have found painfully, but hopefully not too late, that this direction was not simply unsuitable, but rather impossible for the straight-edge high school hippie who would impart on others such words of advice as, “conformity breeds mediocrity,” and, “radix malorum est cupiditas.” While preaching the evils of wealth while pushing his own controversial limits, he absorbed such materials as he could find through inspiring teachers and friends. He was enamored with penitent stories like ‘The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner’, comforted by William Blake’s simple and dichotomous beliefs and his Charlie Brown like approachability in poems such as ‘A Poison Tree’, and resolutely envious of the morbid and satirical wit of more modern authors like Douglas Adams.
When I ended my last job after almost 5 years of employment, stagnating in the dogma and politics of that soulless arena, I took advantage of the much-anticipated opportunity to re-discover myself. I left everything I knew, emptied my 401k, and headed for China, far away from pressures and expectations that had controlled the patterns that ruled my life. I studied Chinese at Jiao Tong University, taking no conventions seriously. I indulged in a deletion of self, testing all the values, stigmas, and judgments I had made in previous years. Some things truly surprised me, or rather some people, but often I would only find affirmation of my old self, my old beliefs and ideals.
Much like a faulty pendulum, I am finding center. So it is time to re-contribute. It is time to do so without letting myself fall into the pit of materialism and unjustifiable justifications that trapped me in previous times. I am looking to further my personal knowledge in all things and to disseminate truth when and if I have the opportunity. To keep myself interested, I hope to do so as creatively as possible. To keep others interested, I hope to do so as creatively as possible.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost
